160 characters or less
by razztaztic
Summary: Conversations that take place by text message.
1. Babymoon

_AN: Written for the "Babymoon" fanfic challenge at Bonesology. Enjoy!_

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><p>BOOTH: Can u take 2wks off?<p>

BRENNAN: _I'm sure I can. Why?_

Think we shld take a trip b4 baby born

__. . . . . _. . . . . Why?_

Why?

___. . . . . _. . . . . _Yes. _

Why not?

__. . . . . _. . . . . __We still have a lot to accomplish in the few months we have left before the baby arrives._

Thats why we shld go

__. . . . . __. . . . . _That doesn't make sense._

Wont b able 2 travl much 4 while aftr the baby. Nows the time

__. . . . . __. . . . . _That's a valid point. Where would you like to go?_

Thinking. U?

__. . . . . __. . . . . _The University of Heidleberg has asked me to teach a two-week seminar in December. If I accept, we could go there._

Germany?

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Yes, the University of Heidleberg is located in Germany._

__. . . . . __. . . . . _In Heidleberg. Which is in Germany._

Funny.

Too cold.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _You could ski._

Was thinking sun sand beach. Sex.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I'm six months pregnant, Booth._

Ur beautiful

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Yes, I know. And while I also know you find my fecund profile appealing, I'm not sure I'm prepared to show off said profile on a beach, in a bathing suit._

Silly. Ur beautiful. Want me to prove it? :-)

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Where are you?_

Status mtg. Bo-ring. Hacker puts me zzzzz

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Shouldn't you be preparing to report on your cases?_

My part done. Zzzzzzzz

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I'm not comfortable texting with you on the subject of sex while you're in a meeting with your colleagues._

Most useful time then I wont sleep in mtg.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Your phone is supplied and paid for by the FBI. I'm sure they wouldn't consider sex texting a good use of government resources._

Sexting

__. . . . . __. . . . . _What?_

Sex texting = sexting

__. . . . . _. . . . . __Oh. Thank you for the correction._

Good point tho. Plus nosy Hacker

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I don't believe Andrew would read your electronic communications without cause._

Prob not. Still nosy bastard

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Andrew's parents have been married for almost 60 years._

Othr kind of bastard

__. . . . . __. . . . . _You're being impolite._

Yep. So back to loc for babymoon

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Babymoon?_

Prebaby vacation

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Clever. Did you just make that up?_

Yes.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Really?_

No. U need to get out more babe

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I'm very active._

Yes u are :-)

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Are we sexting again?_

Def not. Remind me to teach u sexting 4real

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I find your abbreviated spelling during these occasions when we converse by text message very difficult to read._

Maybe my teacher shld punish me

__. . . . . __. . . . . _That made me laugh!_

Lol

__. . . . . __. . . . . _What?_

Laugh out loud

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Not really. I was fairly quiet._

Nvr mind. Babymoon? Where?

__. . . . . __. . . . . _You would prefer a beach setting?_

Yes

__. . . . . __. . . . . _As this is your idea and I don't really have a destination in mind, I'm prepared to accept your preference._

Wow

__. . . . . _. . . . . __What?_

Felt like Pope just gave me absolution

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Are we having a religious discussion now?_

NO! Back to babymoon, where/when

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Hawaii?_

Too crowded. Lets go out of country

__. . . . . __. . . . . _My passport is in order._

Thinking.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I have an idea._

?

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Angela's cottage in Fiji. _

Still has it?

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Yes. She mentioned just last week that when Michael is no longer nursing, she and Jack plan to go there for a week. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we used it._

Ask her.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _It also has a private beach, which would lessen the possibility I might be uncomfortable in public in a semi-nude state during my last trimester._

Heh. U said nude.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Semi-nude. Although if the beach is totally private, I have no objection to being completely nude._

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__. . . . . __. . . . . _Booth?_

Shh. Thinking of being naked on the beach with u.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _Oh. _

_._

_._

__. . . . . __. . . . . _I think it is only fair to tell you that I am now also thinking of being nude on a beach with you. _

Only fair.

_. . . . . _. . . . . _Are we sexting now?_

:-) 4 u, yes we r.

_. . . . . _. . . . . _I thought there would be more to it._

ha! Mtg ending gotta go. See u 6ish. Don't 4get, ask Angela/Jack abt beach house.

__. . . . . __. . . . . _All right. Booth?_

?

__. . . . . _. . . . . __Would you like to practice being nude on a beach with me tonight? _

_:-) :-) :-)_

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><p><em>Practice makes perfect, I always say. :-)<br>FYI, reviews are not restricted to 160 characters or less. *lol*  
><em>


	2. Me, too

BOOTH: Im sorry

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BOOTH: Hello?

BRENNAN:_ I'm thinking about my response._

Whats 2 think abt? I said sorry, you say ok.

_. . . . . . . . . . . And would that mean I accept your apology?_

Yes

_. . . . . . . . . . . Then I would like a few more minutes to think about my answer._

! !

_. . . . . . . . . . . I believe those exclamation marks indicate your unhappiness with my lack of response._

You think? Look I said sorry, you say ok, and ur sorry too

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _But I'm not sorry._

Doesnt matter. Say it anyway.

_. . . . . . . . . . . Why?_

Because I said I was sorry.

_. . . . . . . . . . . Are you suggesting that when one person in a relationship apologizes the other person in that relationship must also apologize?_

When both r wrong, yes

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _I don't believe I was wrong_

I wasn't wrong eithr

_. . . . . . . . . . . If you don't think you were wrong, why are you apologizing?_

b/c its the right thing 2do

_. . . . . . . . . . . So your apology is insincere._

No!

_. . . . . . . . . . . You're also apologizing by text message and according to Angela, I should never allow a man to ask me on a date or apologize via text message._

Why r u talking to Ang about dating?

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _It was a previous conversation._

How previous?

_. . . . . . . . . . . Very previous._

I get a pass re: apology/txt. Waiting for court, cant call you but wanted to say sorry.

_. . . . . . . . . . . I suppose that is a valid reason. Although I would appreciate it if you wouldn't make a habit of it._

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_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _Booth?_

Yea

_. . . . . . . . . . . What are you doing?_

Yelling at you.

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _I can't hear you._

I know. Back to ur apology -

_. . . . . . . . . . . I haven't apologized._

Thats my point.

_. . . . . . . . . . . It would make you happy if I apologized, too?_

Yes

_. . . . . . . . . . . Even though I am not sorry and even though you are the one who began the argument?_

I didnt . . . yes

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _It feels very false._

Its not false, its a bookmark until we can talk 4real latr tonite

_. . . . . . . . . . . I don't know what that means._

Do you have those words saved in ur phone? You should, wuld save u typing them every time u use them

_. . . . . . . . . . . This is a very bad apology._

Beats nothing. Which is what Ive got

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Look just say me, too.

_. . . . . . . . . . ._ _Me, too?_

Yes. I'll say Im sorry you say me, too

_. . . . . . . . . . . And that is acceptable to you?_

Yes. Ready? Im sorry.

_. . . . . . . . . . . Me, too._

There. Now we'll both have a better day and tonite I'll explain again why ur wrong

_. . . . . . . . . . . Booth!_


	3. Helpful Advice

Miss Wick has invited us to a dinner she is hosting with Dr. Sweets next Wednesday.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . why?_

Why did she invite us for dinner?

__. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _yea_

I assume she invited us out of social obligation because of the holiday season.

And also in the hope of having a positive influence on my opinion of her due to her position as my intern.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . do we have to go?_

I'm unsure of the protocol in this situation. I thought you would know.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . let's say no_

She also invited Angela and Dr. Hodgins, as well as Dr. Saroyan, Michelle and Dr. Lidner.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . damn_

Why do you say that?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ._ _b/c that means we have to go_

Because she invited everyone else from the lab?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . yea_

Why?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . b/c that makes it a thing so we're obligated_

A thing?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no a 'Thing'_

I don't know what that means.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it means she and sweets r doing the june and ward thing so we all have 2 go and make with the nice_

What is a june and ward?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . srsly? leave it to beaver?_

Leave it to beaver for what?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . nevr mind. angela and hodgins going?_

Yes, although I found it hard to interpret Angela's facial expression when she accepted.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . damn_

Does that also mean we are obligated?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . yea_

Because of the june and ward?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . im just gonna say yes. mayb we'll get lucky and u will go into labor and we can skip it_

As that would be several weeks before my due date I'm not sure that my going into labor would be very lucky for us.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i was kidding_

Oh. Maybe you should have indicated you were joking.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry. i'll work on my txting skills_

Thank you.


	4. Checking it Twice

I would like to have intercourse.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what?_

I'm sorry, I meant to say, "I would like to have intercourse with you."

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i figured out that part. y r u telling me this?_

You're surprised I want to have intercourse with you?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no. i'm surprised ur sending me a txt 2 tell me_

Angela said that sexual relationships sometimes suffer after the birth of a baby. I am making a preemptive strike against that happening to us.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . preemptive strike?_

Yes. What are you wearing?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what am I wearing?_

Are you having difficulty reading your messages?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no. y do u want to know what I'm wearing?_

That question is on the list.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . list?_

Yes. Angela and I were discussing sexting and she gave me a list of appropriate questions.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tell angela 2 stay out of our sex life_

Do you want to know what I'm wearing?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i know what ur wearing i saw u get dressed this morning_

I'm supposed to tell you that I'm not wearing panties but that would be a lie.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . stop listening 2 angela_

Spank me, big boy.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what?_

I actually don't find that pleasurable so I hope that it is not something you want to do. But it is on the list.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . u don't need a list_

I do not want our sex life to suffer after we become parents, Booth.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . our sex life will be just fine, k? w/o angela's list_

She also suggests that I come to your office and perform fellatio on you from beneath your desk, but because your office has glass walls I don't think that's a good idea.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . remind me 2 strangle angela_

You're speaking metaphorically? Because otherwise, I would be an accessory to murder.

There's also the difficulty I'm experiencing at the moment getting to my feet from a crouched position due to the advanced stage of my pregnancy. I think I will cross office fellatio off the list.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . put the list down_

She suggests, too, that I come to your office dressed in nothing but a coat. I'm not sure why she has so many ideas that focus on sexual activities at your office. I should ask her about that.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no you really shouldnt_

I wonder if she has a similar list for Dr. Hodgins?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . please dont tell me_

I'm having difficulty deciphering her handwriting. I think she's written "I want to suck your toes." Of course, your feet would need to be very clean.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . leave my toes alone. look if u want a list i will make u a list._

You will? That would be very helpful.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so stop talking 2 angela about it_

All right.

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_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . bones?_

Yes?

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . naked under the coat? thats going on the list._


	5. Lesson Planning

_AN: This is for Ceeray3, because it was her idea._

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><p>.<p>

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Booth sank into the sofa, shifting his legs until he found a comfortable resting spot for his ankles on top of the stack of anthropology journals on the coffee table. The remote control in one hand, a beer and a bowl of peanuts close to the other, he was settled and relaxed. With his thumb he edged up the volume on the TV to cover the tapping coming from where Brennan sat at her desk, working on what would become her latest novel.

Beside the bowl of peanuts, his phone chirped. Sighing, he reached for it and then with relief, quickly read and replied to a message from Shaw relating to the paperwork he'd left her to fill out. About to toss the phone back to the table, he paused when a movement from Brennan caught his attention. She fidgeted in her chair for a bit then reached back to adjust the lumbar support pillow before she resumed typing.

A ghost of a smile played over his lips as he lifted his phone again.

Focused on the grisly remains just discovered by her heroine, Kathy Reichs, Brennan at first ignored the beeping of the phone next to her laptop. Finally she finished the paragraph and picked it up.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . Hey._

Confused, she stared at the message for a moment before swiveling around.

"Did you just . . ."

Booth held up the phone.

"Why are you sending me a . . ."

He shook his head and waved the phone.

"We're in the same room . . ."

He gave the phone another wiggle.

Her brow furrowed in bewilderment before finally, she shrugged and turned back to the desk and her phone.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hello._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . what r u doing?_

Mouth open, she spun around. Pointedly ignoring her, he smiled broadly and focused his attention on the phone in his hand. With a huff, she circled back to her phone.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I am working on my upcoming novel._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . whats happening?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Remains have just been discovered in an abandoned silver mine in Colorado._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . old miner?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No. They are from someone more recently deceased._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . can I read it?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . What I've just written?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . no the book. B4 its published_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why do you always want to read my novels before they're published?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . cause_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cause?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . b/c I'm special_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You believe you should have special privileges because I'm pregnant with your child?_

She smiled when she heard him snort behind her.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . uh yea_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Your reasoning is flawed. I haven't always been pregnant with your child and you've always wanted to read my novels before they're published._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . b/c Ive always been special_

He smiled when he heard her bark of laughter.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why are we conversing in this format when we're in the same room?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . cause_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cause?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . b/c we can_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . It would be easier if we conversed verbally._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . hush._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . u look pretty_

He watched her profile as she smiled at the phone before her thumbs raced over the keys.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . don't give me the proof of my virility speech._

Her back straightened abruptly then she huffed and erased what she'd already entered.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thank you._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . ur hair looks pretty too all smooth and shiny and soft_

Her hand lifted automatically to smooth it down.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Are you flirting with me?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . maybe_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Would you like to have intercourse?_

Booth bit back his laughter.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . cant I just flirt w/u w/o wanting sex?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . So you don't want to have intercourse?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . well I didn't say that_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I find you very pleasing to look at, also._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . I know_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Although you need a haircut._

He rolled his eyes.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . thanx_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I have been somewhat surprised at how attractive I find the days' worth of beard growth on your cheeks at night._

Behind her, Booth stroked his jawline reflexively.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . really? not 2 scratchy?_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No. In fact, the rough texture adds to the eroticism of our sexual encounters._

He smiled broadly at his phone.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . u think I'm sexy_

Her husky laugh stopped abruptly as her hand flew to the side of her swollen belly. Immediately, he dropped his phone and was beside her, his hand covering hers where it rested above their child.

"It's nothing," Brennan smiled down at him. "I think her elbow is in my spleen. It surprised me."

"Maybe you should stop flirting with me where she can hear you," Booth grinned back.

"She is not capable of understanding speech at this stage of development. And we weren't talking. Besides," Brennan rolled her eyes, "I was not . . ."

"Were, too," he interrupted her, his eyes dancing up at her.

She'd long ago accepted that she could not resist that smile. "Maybe," she admitted. She cupped his cheek in her hand. "Would you like to have intercourse now?"

"Maybe," he laughed, straightening as he pulled her up beside him.

"I am obviously getting much better at sexting," she said as she allowed him to lead her to the bedroom.

He looked back at her and chuckled. "That was not sexting."

"Are we going to have sex?"

"Most definitely."

"Since our electronic conversation directly led to our having sex, I believe it qualifies as sexting, therefore . . ."

"That was not sexting," Booth answered, standing aside as she stepped through the bedroom door.

"I believe it was."

"It definitely was not," he said, kicking the door closed. "Let me explain again what sexting is . . ."

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><p><em>She does have that disturbingly steep learning curve . . . <em>


	6. A Rose by Any Other Name

What about Mildred?

_. . . . . . . . . . we're having a baby not a grandmother_

Olathe?

_. . . . . . . . . . like the boots?_

Boots?

_. . . . . . . . . . cowboy boots. good ones._

I wasn't aware of that. No, it's a Native American name meaning "beautiful"

_. . . . . . . . . . I don't think so_

Yes, it does.

_. . . . . . . . . . no. meant no on the name._

Oh. Perhaps Eyote?

_. . . . . . . . . . another indian name?_

Native American. Yes, it means 'great.'

_. . . . . . . . . . y don't we just call her runs with scissors?_

You're being sarcastic?

_. . . . . . . . . . yes_

Elizabeth?

_. . . . . . . . . . so someone can call her betty booth? no_

Athelina?

_. . . . . . . . . . I thought I threw away that book of old english names_

I have a computer.

_. . . . . . . . . . no_

You're making this very difficult. Emma?

_. . . . . . . . . . isn't that on the top 10 list?_

Yes it is.

_. . . . . . . . . . then no_

You are not being rational. Even if we choose an unusual name, there will be thousands of other children who share it with her.

_. . . . . . . . . . but not in the same class at school_

Temperance was popular in the 17th century. We could choose another name from that era like Hope, Faith, Charity or Prudence.

_. . . . . . . . . . maybe maybe no and hell no_

What about Eleanor?

_. . . . . . . . . . eleanor?_

Yes.

_. . . . . . . . . . not bad. ellie_

No, Eleanor.

_. . . . . . . . . . yea, ellie. add that to the list of possibles_

So far, the list of possibilities has just one name - Eleanor.

_. . . . . . . . . . ellie_

Eleanor.

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><p><em>AN: I don't envy the writers or HH&amp;Co the task of coming up with the perfect name for Baby Girl Booth. But, I can't wait to find out what they choose!<em>


	7. The Ringer

___. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . __what did plains indians use for yelo paint_

The gallbladder of a buffalo.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . __thx_

You're welcome.

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_._

__. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _what googol mean in math_

It represents the number one, followed by one hundred zeroes.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . __thx_

You're welcome.

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_. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . nanosecond how long?_

A nanosecond is one-billionth of a second.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . thx_

You're welcome

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_ r u helping parker?_

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_bones? u r! stop it!_

This trivial chase game is weighted in favor of the adults. It doesn't seem fair to the boys.

_ trivial pursuit. its not supposed 2b fair. losers have 2 clean up aftr we break camp. stop helping them!_

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_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . smallest bone in body_

The stapes bone, in the middle ear.

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . thx_

You're welcome.

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_bones! stop it!_

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><p>AN: Personally, I think the boys are going to win this game of Trivial Pursuit. :-D<p> 


	8. Friendly Competition

You declined my request?

_. . . . . . . . damn strait_

I can't believe you declined my request.

_. . . . . . . . u cheat_

What? I do not cheat!

_. . . . . . . . yes u do_

I have multiple advanced degrees, Booth. My vocabulary is understandably larger than yours.

_. . . . . . . . u cheat_

I do not cheat!

_. . . . . . . . u playd axzerbryt_

That is not a real word and it is not the word I played.

_. . . . . . . . whatever. U got 187 pts!_

Isn't the object of the game to score points with difficult words?

_. . . . . . . . not playing w/u anymore_

You played 'snafu.' I looked it up – it's an acronym and should not have been allowed.

_. . . . . . . . used 2b acronym now just a word. perfectly legit_

The medical terms I use are legitimate words!

_. . . . . . . . nope_

All right. I promise not to use any medical terms not in common usage, although that is a matter of opinion as the words I play I use frequently.

_. . . . . . . . no words over 5 letters_

Seven letters.

_. . . . . . . . six. final offer_

Fine. This is very unfair of you.

_. . . . . . . . just handicapping u, like golf. now u can play like a normal person_

I'll still win.

_. . . . . . . . ha! Ur going down!_

I'm sending you a new request.

_. . . . . . . . told u ud like this game_

_._

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>.<em>

_Personally, I wouldn't want to play Words with Friends with Brennan. I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass._


	9. 911

u need 2 come home NOW

.

.

.

bones? NOW

.

.

.

bones? NOW

_._

_._

_._

__. . . . . . . . . _Now? I'm in the middle of a very complicated reconstruction of the clavicle and scapula from the remains located yesterday. _

__. . . . . . . . . _These sections are in multiple small, jagged pieces and I'm not completely confident in the ability of Mr. Fisher to put them together correctly. I'd prefer to stay and oversee his work._

NOW

__. . . . . . . . . _What is wrong?_

shes in my mancave!

__ . . . . . . . . _Who is in your mancave?_

the decorator!

_**_. . . . . . . . . _**Have you suggested she remove herself from your mancave?_

yes!

__. . . . . . . . . _But she's still there?_

yes!

come home NOW

__. . . . . . . . . _It is a very inconvenient time for me to leave the lab, Booth._

fine. I have a gun

__. . . . . . . . . _We agreed that since our taste in furnishings is so different we would hire a decorator, Booth. She is a friend of Dr. Saroyan's and comes very highly recommended. You can't shoot her._

shes got swatches!

__. . . . . . . . . _Swatches?_

yes! a whole book and she wants me 2 look at em!

__. . . . . . . . . _I'm sorry you have to endure such suffering._

not funny! she asked me abt curtains!

__. . . . . . . . . _She didn't!_

still not funny! not looking at swatches & if I want curtains I'll nail a sheet over the window!

__. . . . . . . . . _I think you're taking the term "mancave" too literally, Booth._

fine. when shes done here I'll send her up 2 your lab room.

__. . . . . . . . . _I'll be home in 10 minutes._

_._

_._

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p>"come home." Home. Because they have a house . . . just one house . . . that they will both live in . . . with their baby girl . . . and Parker . . . one house . . . that Booth found . . . that will become 'home' for both of them. :-D<p> 


	10. Passing Notes

_AN: The lovely Lenora sent me a whole list of prompts for these little text message conversations, including this idea. I can't wait to dive into more of her suggestions but until then, I hope she (and you!) likes this one. I'm not sure if it's entirely what she had in mind but it's what came out when my fingers hit the keyboard. Enjoy!_

.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

Sweets stood at one end of the conference room next to a portable white board easel, a bright blue marker in his hand, and smiled at his captive audience. Getting everyone to come had required a feat of Herculean effort and he still wasn't sure he would have succeeded without an extra push from the senior administration to Cam. Not that Booth still hadn't tried to ignore the summons but the only thing his reluctance had earned him was a late arrival that forced him to take the last seat available on the side of the table closest to the door. He was still grumbling at not being able to sit beside Brennan when Sweets began speaking.

"Thank you all for coming," he smiled out at all of them and ignored the fact that no one except Daisy smiled back. "I know you all have busy schedules so-"

"You promised us lunch," Hodgins interrupted, tilting his chair back on two legs.

Sweets nodded. "Yes, Jason's Deli is delivering-"

"I'm kinda hungry now," Fisher mused out loud. "Wish I had a donut."

"We were going to bring donuts," Daisy piped up, "but Lancelot and I got a little distracted this morning." She simpered and batted her eyes at the faintly blushing psychologist.

"I don't think they want to hear about that, Daisy," he began.

"Dear God, no," Clark Edison muttered with a shake of his head. "Dr. Brennan, do I really have to be here?"

She shrugged. "This was Dr. Saroyan's idea. I certainly believe our time would be better spent in the lab."

Cam glared at both of them. "Yes, people, you have to be here! Orders came from the Office of the Director so if you want to continue working cases with the FBI . . ."

"Look, guys," Sweets pleaded from the front of the room, his hands open wide. "This will only take a few hours and I think you'll be surprised at how helpful you might-"

"I'll go for donuts, if anyone else wants them," Fisher offered.

"I could eat," Wendell nodded.

"I'll never lose this baby weight if I eat donuts," Angela said. "But I'll take a raspberry-filled."

"No!" Sweets shook his head. "No one is leaving. If you'll just let me-"

Brennan's phone vibrated gently in her pocket.

_. . . . . cant blev u didnt save me a seat_

She frowned across the length of the table at Booth.

_You work in this building. I thought you would be here first and would secure a seat for me._

He read the message, looked up at her and shook his head.

_. . . . . like im gonna get here early_

_Obviously I was mistaken but you have only your own late arrival to blame for the lack of seating options._

_. . . . . was trying 2 get out of coming period_

_Since you're here, I can assume those efforts were unsuccessful._

_. . . . . ya think?_

Booth watched Sweets scribble something on the white board and hunched down further in his chair.

_. . . . . prob wrong 2 wish 4 a dead body huh?_

_Yes. _

Sweets wiped the board and began a list of bullet points.

_However, locating human remains that were buried long ago is perfectly acceptable. That person is already dead._

_. . . . . Yea lets go w/that. keep ur fingers crossd_

Sweets drew a large circle around the bullet points.

_He's very excited about this, isn't he?_

_. . . . . do u no what hes talking about?_

_Of course not. I don't pay attention to Dr. Sweets._

_. . . . . what if he gives us a test aftr? its sweets he might_

_I'll pass, of course. I always get full marks on tests._

_. . . . . not if u dont pay attn_

_We'll see._

_. . . . . kinda cocky there bones :-)_

_Perhaps I've been spending too much time with you. _

_. . . . . yea im a bad influence_

_You certainly have your moments. _

_. . . . . i had a moment last nite :-)_

_You certainly did._

_. . . . . sure ur heads ok?_

_Yes. The swelling has almost receded completely._

_. . . . . good. u no that was an accident_

_Of course I know you didn't drop me on purpose, Booth. Although I do have to point out that I did warn you of the potential danger._

_. . . . . but it was fun right?_

_Until you dropped me._

_. . . . . i tried to catch u! ! !_

_Well, yes. Unfortunately my head had already hit the floor when you grabbed my ankles._

_. . . . . the crack it made was loud. scary_

_Once again I must point out that if we'd been lying down, that situation would not have arisen. Or more precisely, fallen. Or specifically, been dropped. _

_. . . . . hey when we got the bleeding stopped i apologizd. very well if i do say so myself_

_I am fond of the way you apologize._

Sweets stopped speaking mid-sentence when Booth snorted loudly. He frowned as he watched the FBI agent tap away at his phone and was drawing breath to speak when he heard the faint sound of Brennan's phone vibrate from where she sat at the other end of the table. Eyes narrowed, he stared in disbelief as she read from her phone, a faint smile playing over her lips, and typed a response. Immediately, Booth's phone lit up.

Hands on his hips, he glared at Booth as he smirked at the tiny screen while his thumbs played over the keyboard. His head swiveled back to Brennan in time to see her teeth nibble at her lower lip as she considered for a few seconds before her own fingertips flew over the keys.

By this time the rest of the group, who had mostly been lost in their own thoughts and only pretending to pay attention to his lecture, noticed the silence coming from Sweets. One by one they caught on to his focus on Booth and Brennan and the private conversation being held as first one and then the other tapped away on the phones in their hands. Oblivious to anything but the texts flying between back and forth and unaware of the attention being paid to them, the exchange continued as their audience watched avidly.

Booth's shoulders moved in a silent chuckle as he pecked out another message.

Brennan rolled her eyes at the screen and fired something back.

He pulled a face, shaking his head even as his fingers flew over the keys.

One eyebrow lifted high, she stared meaningfully at the screen for a moment before responding.

He paused, blinking, before a slow smile danced across his face and very slowly, he input a few words.

Cam and Angela met each other's gaze and looked away quickly, hands clasped tightly over their mouths, barely managing to hold back the laughter that threatened to burst out.

Brennan's eyes widened and a faint blush warmed her cheeks. Her chin tilted flirtatiously as, the pink tip of her tongue visible against her top lip, she replied.

Beside her, Dr. Edison stared at the ceiling determinedly.

Booth read the text and cleared his throat softly, shifting restlessly in his seat as he wrote back.

Beside him, Wendell stared at the legal pad in front of him and tried not to smile.

Confused, Daisy looked around the room and then at Sweets. "Why are we all being so quiet?" she asked.

Booth and Brennan started simultaneously at her words and that was all it took to release loud guffaws from Hodgins, Angela and Cam. Sweets shook his head, staring from one to the other in annoyance.

"You know," Angela teased, her smile broad, "when I got caught passing notes in class the teacher always read them out loud. What are you guys saying to each other?"

"Nothing," Booth said abruptly, sliding his phone into his inside jacket pocket. "None of your business."

Angela reached over the table. "Come on, Brennan, hand me the phone. Share with the class!"

"I don't think so," Brennan responded, pulling the phone closer to her even as Angela's fingers grabbed for it.

"Guys," Sweets tried to interrupt. "If we could just-"

The phone slipped out of Brennan's hand and went sliding across the slick surface of the conference room table. Angela lunged for it but Brennan's hand reached the small rectangle first, sending it scooting further away. Laughing, Angela crawled up on the table, chasing after it.

"Gotta share with the class, sweetie!" she called out in singsong, squealing loudly as her friend clutched at her legs, pulling her back even as Brennan herself climbed up on the table after the phone. All around the table, chairs were pushed back as the rest of the group laughed and cheered.

"Hodgins, go get your wife!" Booth ordered as the two women grappled in the middle of the table.

"No way, man," Hodgins laughed, stepping back further when Brennan hooked one leg over Angela's and twisted her away from the phone. "You put your hand in there!"

"Leave my phone alone, Angela . . ." Brennan panted, tugging on Angela's outstretched arm as the struggle continued, both of them beginning to giggle.

"This is not part of the class!" Sweets yelled. "I have handouts!"

Fisher pushed his chair against the wall and sat back down.

"This is so much better than donuts."

.

.

* * *

><p><em>And now I want a donut.<em>


	11. Emergency Rules for Sirens

_well?_

I agreed to phone you after my appointment, Booth.

_thought it was at 1?_

That is correct. Dr. Phelps was behind schedule. She just left, actually. I was getting redressed when I received your message.

_r u naked?_

No, I'm still wearing this atrocious paper gown. Why?

_nevr mind. well?_

I'll give you a full report after I get back to the lab.

_come on, bones. yes or no?_

Dr. Phelps said I am fully healed and can resume sexual activity.

_:) :) :)_

I am also very happy. I enjoy having intercourse with you.

_i'll just pretend u added a lot of ! ! ! 2 that_

She also warned me that I might experience some initial discomfort, at least in the beginning.

_thats ok. we'll go slow_

Not too slow, I hope.

_how about we'll go slow til u say go fast?_

That is acceptable.

_has been over a month tho. we should b careful w/the fast or it might be 2 fast_

I have complete confidence that if you climax too quickly, you will satisfy me by other means.

_y does it have 2 b me going 2 fast?_

Wasn't that what you were referring to?

_well yea but u didnt have 2 go there so quick_

I apologize.

_thank u_

May I get dressed now?

_if u have 2. mayb u should just go strait home. meet u there in 20 min. :)_

I'm not sure walking through the office and to my car in just a paper examination gown is a good idea.

_i was kidding about that part.  
><em>

I left several projects in various stages of completion. I should go back to the lab.

_sure? baby at daycare. cpl of hrs just 4 us. sounds good 2 me.  
><em>

It is tempting but I really should go back to the lab. After a month, a few more hours before we have intercourse is a minor inconvenience.

_if u change ur mind u kno where 2 find me :)_

I assume you'll be in your office.

_yea thats what i meant_ :/

I'm unfamiliar with that graphic.

_means i was being sarcastic_

Oh. I am very happy at the prospect of having intercourse with you again.

_:) :) :) see u tonite_

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

_. _

_._

_._

_.  
><em>

Booth?

_?_

I have been mentally reviewing the work I left at the lab. There is nothing that can't wait until tomorrow.

_meet u home in 20 mins._

Make it 15.

_I'll use the sirens_


	12. Veggie Tales

Where are you?

_waiting 4 search warrant. dont think im gonna make it in time dammit_

I'm sorry to hear that. She will be very disappointed.

_ur recording it right?_

Yes. Parker has the video camera.

_tell him no shots up his nose or licking the camera this time!  
><em>

.

.

.

He said that licking the lens was an accident, that it was gross and he definitely won't do it again. He didn't mention his nose. Should I monitor the camera angle?

_yes_

Dad asked me to extend his greetings as well.

_dad says hi would have been fine_

That is what I said.

_never mind_

.

.

.

.

_whats happening?_

The head of the school is speaking. He's introducing the teachers who directed the students in this production.

He also announced that DVDs of tonight's performance will be available to order at a cost of $25.

_considering tuition we pay they should give us those free_

It is a very good school, Booth. The tuition is well within the normal range for similar academies in this area.

_could have had really good cath schol for 1/3 of what that place costs  
><em>

I find it amusing that in referring to choosing a good school you spelled it 'schol.'

_i did that on purpose!_

It is still amusing.

.

.

.

_whats happening now?_

I believe Parker is using the zoom feature on the video camera to get a closer look at a girl in the third row.

_C on stage yet?_

No. There is a lot of noise and someone behind the curtain seems to be crying but the play hasn't started yet.

_then i dont care about parker. just tell him no scoping after play starts_

.

.

.

He wants to know if he can scope when Christine is not on stage?

_tell him no i want the whole thing so i can watch it w/C later. _

.

.

.

He said you are "harshing his mellow." I don't know what that means.

_thats ok, i do. tell him 2 bad_

Would you like me to give the phone to him so you can continue this conversation yourself?

_nah ur doing a great job! :)_

The curtains are opening!

.

.

.

_well? do u see C? whats happening? _

There are several small children on stage wearing costumes meant to represent vegetables. I believe one of them is an ear of corn.

That is a mistake, obviously, as corn is a grain and not a vegetable.

One child is dressed as a tomato which would also be inappropriate in a play about vegetables.

Perhaps we should research this teacher's university transcripts as we did Christine's infant daycare provider? I am concerned about her inability to classify food correctly.

_i think we can let that slide. Wheres C?_

I see her! She's in the back row talking to the carrot.

She's not actually talking to a carrot, of course. I should have said she was talking to the child wearing the carrot costume.

_yea i figured that out. send me a pic!_

The stage is too far awsaldwowejrf foiswwfcj

_what?_

.

.

.

I'm sorry. Zach managed to grab my phone.

_awww. hi buddy! :)_

He's 19 months old, Booth. He can't read.

_i dont know, hes pretty smart_

Yes, he is. Did you get the photo?

_yea. cant really see her._

She is an excellent turnip.

_turnip? shes an eggplant_

No, I don't think so. She looks more like a turnip.

_theyre not gonna put a kid in a turnip costume, bones. shes an eggplant_

.

.

.

Parker agrees with me that she is a turnip.

_parkers never even seen a turnip!_

_._

_._

_._

You are correct. I have confirmed with him that he has not, in fact, seen a turnip. That is unfortunate as turnips are an excellent source of fiber and Vitamin C. The leaves are also rich in Vitamin K.

I will be sure to serve a turnip dish soon.

_shes not a turnip! shes an eggplant!_

Dad thinks she might be a rutabaga.

_what's wrong w/u people? shes an eggplant!_

.

.

.

Oh, no. The carrot and the ear of corn are fighting.

.

.

.

The carrot fell on top of the Brussels sprout and now she's crying.

Of course I meant the little girl in the Brussels sprout costume.

_of course. C ok?_

Yes, she's fine. Turnips are apparently very peaceful vegetables.

_shes an eggplant!_

I didn't realize you were so particular about vegetables, Booth. There's nothing wrong with turnips.

_SHES AN EGGPLANT!_

Didn't you tell me using all capital letters was a form of yelling? Are you yelling at me because our daughter is a turnip?

_never mind. parker still recording this?_

No, I believe he's looking at the pretty girl in the third row again. I'll purchase the DVD.

_good idea_

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em>My thanks again go to Lenora (FaithinBones) for the germ of an idea for this. It's not exactly what she suggested but I had turnip greens for dinner last night so . . . . <em>


	13. Parental Duties

She tugged at his sleeve to get his attention. "I'm going to find the bathroom."

"WHAT?" He leaned closer in an attempt to hear her voice through the sound of thousands of screaming girls and the heavy thrum of the music blaring through the arena.

"I'M GOING TO . . . Nevermind." She shook her head and pulled out her phone.

_I'm going to find the bathroom. I'll be right back. _

She hadn't pushed her way more than a few feet through the crowded row before his hand on her arm tugged her back. He shook his head.

She frowned her confusion at him.

_dont even think abt it. if im staying ur stayin_

_I'm just going to find the bathroom. I'll return in a few minutes._

He shook his head again.

_no way jose. u get out of here u wont b back_

She pursed her lips in irritation.

_You are the one who told her she could attend this concert. It was unfair of you to insist I come, as well._

He was already shaking his head.

_i __only said yes b/c i nu it was sold out. ur pub got her the tix. ur staying_

Brennan looked past him to where Christine jumped in place with her two best friends, screaming in preteen ecstasy as the wavy-haired boy on the stage just feet away sang in breathy, electronically manipulated tones about love love love.

_She is certainly enjoying herself._

Just then a girl in the next row leaned over between them and shrieked her undying devotion at a pitch normally audible only to dogs. Booth flinched; Brennan slapped her hands over her ears.

_Maybe we could both wait just outside the lobby doors? I saw several other adults there when we came in. I'm sure Christine and her friends would be fine._

Further down their row a group of unaccompanied girls barely older than their daughter climbed up on their chairs and lifted their shirts, laughing hysterically when the members of the band pointed toward them.

Brennan and Booth exchanged a speaking glance.

_we r stayin_

She nodded.

_I believe that would be best._

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><em>_Thanks again to Lenora (FaithInBones) for the prompt. Her prompt actually involved Parker but he probably has better taste in music - and where's the fun in that? :-)  
><em>


	14. Penalty Box

_Today__ is__ "__FaithInbones__" __birthday__! __If __you__'__ve __read __many __of __these __little __conversations, __you__ know __she__'__s __given __me __some __great __prompts __in the past and __when __she __said __she __wanted __a __story __in __honor __of __her __big __day__, __she __gave __me __another__ one__! _

_Lenora__, __Happy __Birthday__! __I __hope __this __is __mostly__/__sorta__/__kinda __what __you __were __hoping __for__. :-__D_

_._

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

_.  
><em>

"Dad! Dad!" After trying to get his father's attention, Parker finally leaned over and tugged at Booth's arm.

Booth jumped to his feet. "High stick!" he yelled, along with half of the crowd surrounding them. "High stick! Come on, ref! Are you blind!" He finally looked down at Parker. "What?"

"I'm hungry - can I go get some nachos?"

"The game's almost over," Booth shook his head and pointed to the scoreboard, which showed the Flyers behind the Capitals at 2-1. "There's less than two minutes left. We'll stop on the way home."

"Ah, man," Parker complained, just as a Capitals' defenseman was checked hard into the plexiglass three rows below them. "Oh!" He and Booth made the same noise at the same time and then slapped high-fives as everyone got to their feet in anticipation of the final minutes.

"Let's go, Flyers!" Booth cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled. "Puck in the net! Let's go!" He and Parker clapped and hooted as the teams raced toward the Flyer's goal.

Snapped to his belt, his phone vibrated against his hip. Eyes on the sticks clacking against each other and the ice, Booth pulled it free.

_I __can__'__t __seem __to __locate __Christine__'__s __pink __bunny__. __Is __it __in __your __car__?_

The Capitals took momentary control of the puck and headed toward the other goal.

_mayb_

_Could __you __look __for __it__, __please__?_

A Flyer crushed a Capital against the glass, sending the puck shooting out onto the open ice.

_now? ? no_

_I need the bunny, Booth. She's having trouble falling asleep without it._

_im at game! will look 4 it n a few min. almost ovr_

Parker screamed. "YES!" He jumped up and down. "Did you see that, Dad!"

Booth looked toward the ice frantically. Once more, the puck was under the Flyers control as the right wing slapped it back and forth in his race to the goal.

"What? What happened?"

_How long do you think it will be before you get home?_

_45 sec_

"Awwwwww." The group of Philadelphia fans surrounding him groaned in unison. Booth looked up in time to see the puck headed back toward the Capitals goal.

"What- We didn't score?" he asked Parker.

_You'll be home in 45 seconds?_

_no! 45 sec left n game!_

"Fight!" Parker yelled excitedly. "Hit him again!" Booth's head snapped up as he searched the ice until he saw the two men tangled together, fists flying as they struggled to get up and back into the game.

"Who hit who first?" he asked in frustration. "What happened?"

At the end of a Flyer's stick, the puck was once more headed toward their goal.

_Who's winning?_

_not us! stop txting me!_

The group around him sank back to their seats with loud groans and curse words as the final buzzer went off.

"Foul!" Parker yelled, his shoulders drooping. "The goalie checked him, Dad! That's a foul! FOUL!"

"What happened?" Booth looked around at the fans waiting to leave the row. "Was there a foul? What was it? Did you see it?"

_All right. Let me know if you find the bunny in the car. Good luck!_

A large, disgruntled man deliberately bumped shoulders as the line began to move toward the steps. "Watch the game instead of the damn phone, moron," he muttered, sneering at the small black rectangle in Booth's hand. "Then you'd know what happened."

Booth glared back and then transferred his ire to the object in his hand. "I did! I was! Then she . . ." He growled and squeezed it hard enough to press lines into his palm. "arrrrrgh!"

"Dad?" Parker looked back over his shoulder as the line crawled up the steps.

Booth plastered a grim smile on his face. "It's nothing, son," he muttered. "I'm just going to kill Bones when we get home."

.

.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'm a southern girl and although we do have the Predators here in Nashville, I know crap about hockey so I hope you'll excuse any m<em>istakes in terms andor maneuvers, etc. _ We do football and basketball down here, y'all. You know, the games they play in heaven. :-D_

_Thanks for reading and again - Happy Birthday, Lenora!_


	15. A Woman's Prerogative

_AN: Today is "bangelforeverandalways" birthday and she asked for this little OS specially. Okay, she didn't ask for *this* exactly but you know, prompts are like rocks . . . I just kind of throw them in the water and see what splashes out! _

_Anyway, AL, I hope you like it! Happy Birthday!  
><em>

.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

headed back now. shld b home 3-4 hrs

_Fine._

fine?

u still mad?

cmon bones, it was jst a scratch, barely needed stitches. ull see.

_A gunshot wound is not "just a scratch," Booth, and yes, I will certainly examine it myself._

_However, that is not why I'm still angry. If Charlie hadn't phoned me, I wouldn't have known the extent of your injury until you were able to tell me and that might have taken hours!_

_That woman was completely unprofessional._

sorry u had 2 deal w/nurse ratchet but wasnt really her fault. jst the rules.

_We have each others medical power of attorney, Booth. We jointly own a home. We have a child. When I requested information regarding your condition, that should have been all that was necessary to release that information to me. _

_Ms. Ratchet was unnecessarily rude and I will certainly be following up with her superiors._

her names not really ratchet

_Then why did you say it was?_

nvr mind. look, it was tiny hosp in the mid of nowhere. she didnt no abt our paperwrk etc. she was jst following rules and doing her job

_Then perhaps you should have informed her that she had permission to release that information to me if I called._

i was a little busy!

since id jst been shot!

_I thought you said it was 'just a scratch?'_

smartass

y dont i jst get anothr tattoo on my wrist - give bones med info if i get shot

_Are you planning to make a habit of getting shot?_

right now tht dosnt sound so bad!

_Perhaps it's time we married. I'm worried about the potential of this type of misunderstanding happening again, especially once Christine starts school or if we have another child._

.

.

.

did u jst propose 2 me?

w/a txt?

_No, I'm simply stating my reasons for changing my mind about the importance of our marital status._

_It is ridiculous that our commitment to each other requires us to stand before a minister or judge and recite a few words before our relationship is recognized legally but that is obviously the case._

uh uh. not happening

.

.

_You don't want to get married?_

no, im not gonna let u propose w/a txt.

_I'm not proposing! I'm giving you a well-reasoned, intellectual argument for participating in what I still believe is an archaic ritual that has no real place in modern society._

whatevr. i want dinner.

_You want to discuss this over dinner?_

no, u can propose ovr dinner

w/candles.

and wine

_Didn't the doctor prescribe antibiotics for you? You should not be drinking alcohol._

and that black thing i bought u 4/ur bday

_I think I'd be rather cold if I wore that during dinner._

thats 4 aftr dinner :-)

_This is ridiculous._

a man only gets proposed 2 once. u gotta do it right.

or i wont say yes :-)

_Do you expect me to get down on one knee as well?_

thats 4 aftr dinner 2 :-D

_This is ridiculous. _

_Did you take something for pain? You know what effect that has on you._

no pain meds.

and dont try 2 feed me takeout eithr. mayb a big steak

_Fine. I'll just start the grill and you can cook._

nope. cant cook my own proposal dinner. all on u, babe.

_This is ridiculous._

u shld prob b nicer 2 me u no, since ur gettng ready 2 propose. u want 2 make a good impression, right?

_Are you being serious?_

damn straight

_This is ridiculous._

im gonna take a nap now since weve got long trip ahead. u shld get started on dinner

c/u in a few hours :-)

_This is ridiculous_.

shhhh. sleepng

.

.

.

bones?

_Yes?_

dont 4get the black thing :-D

.

.

* * *

><p><em>Once again, a big loud HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to bangelforeverandalways. :-D<br>_

_Thanks for reading!  
><em>


	16. Leggo My Eggo

_AN: If it's 11:00 pm where I am, it's midnight where she is so . . . **HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TANTEMARY!** True story, she was the first person who ever asked me to write a birthday fic for her. As it happens, she asked months ago so in the meantime I've written a couple of others but the point is, she was the first one and - ain't gonna lie - I had a bit of a Sally-Fields-at-the-Oscars moment when she did. It was kind of like being asked to sit at the cool kids table in the lunchroom (before they dump their food trays on top of your head because they're still the cool kids and you're not so . . . nevermind).  
><em>

_Because she was the first and just because she's Mary and she's fabulous, I wanted to make her story extra special. Lucky for me, in the interim _bangelforeverandalways _sent me a great prompt involving Angela somehow getting her hands on Brennan's phone. Cha ching! One extra-special story coming up! __  
><em>

_Thanks very much to _Alanna1231_ for her awesomesuperiffic beta skills!  
><em>

_P.S.  
>If I did this right, you're going to want to avoid eating or drinking while you read.<br>If I didn't do it right . . . no, I'm going to think positive. No food or drink allowed.  
>You've been warned.<br>Sincerely,  
>Me<br>_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

_.  
><em>

"Tell me again why we're so excited about a sale for previously worn clothing?"

In the seat beside Brennan, Angela tutted. "_Sample sale_, honey. It's a sample sale for Anna Sui. And don't knock the previously worn," she added pointedly. "Some of my favorite pieces are vintage, like that green sweater you like so much."

Brennan turned her eyes from the road just as they passed a sign announcing the city limits for Berryville, Maryland. "I don't really care for that sweater," she confessed.

"What?" Angela's eyes widened in surprise. "You always make a comment when I wear it!"

"Well, yes," Brennan admitted. "But not because I like it."

Disgruntled, Angela rolled her eyes. "You know what," she huffed, "just drive." She waved her hand toward the road ahead. "I'll give you directions when we get closer to Annapolis."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just not fond of clothing with feathers-" Brennan stopped speaking at the sound of an electronic chirp and nodded to the bag at Angela's feet. "That ringtone belongs to Booth. Would you mind checking the message for me? The phone is in the inside pocket on the left."

"I'm sure it wouldn't dare be in the inside pocket on the right," Angela mumbled as she bent to retrieve the purse.

_cant find c's stroller. did u 4get 2 leav it?_

"He wants to know if you have Christine's stroller," she translated.

Brennan tossed a glance over her shoulder as if she could see into the trunk and sighed. "Yes, I do. I meant to leave it in the garage but we were running late and it slipped my mind."

_Yes, sorry. _

Angela hit send and then gave into the nosy impulse to look through a few of the previous messages, smiling to herself at the juxtaposition of Brennan's very exact method of texting beside Booth's much more casual habit of abbreviating everything.

When the phone beeped again, she scrolled down to read what Booth had just sent.

_k. gonna buy anothr 1 n keep n my car._

"He says he's going to buy another one for his car," she parroted dutifully.

"That's probably for the best," Brennan nodded. "Oh!" she added suddenly. "Ask him to also pick up more diapers and wipes while he's in the store."

_Add diapers and wipes to your shopping list, please._

_will do. fyi, need 2 stop by ofc but aftr store/park shld b home by 4._  
><em>have fun wangela_  
><em>dont let her talk u n2 buyng anythg stupid :)<em>

"I heard that," Angela muttered beneath her breath as she read silently.

_sexy is good tho :D_

"What?" Brennan looked at her friend curiously.

"What?" Distracted, Angela only barely looked up. "Oh, nothing," she responded quickly as a wickedly inappropriate thought occurred to her. "Booth . . . uh . . . He just had a question about . . ." Her brain scrambled. "uh . . . about the . . . the data I recovered from April Warner's computer." Her eyes slid mischievously toward Brennan as the idea took root.

_Sexy is always good_, she tapped out.

"Is there anything I should know?" Brennan asked, with another brief glance over.

_Do you have any suggestions?_

"Huh?" Angela replied, startled. "Oh! Oh, about April Warner, you mean? Nooooo," she shook her head. "No, it's all just, you know," she shrugged vaguely, "technical stuff."

_dont i always? :) since i rippd that red thing mayb u could find anthr 1? i likd that.  
>obvs 2 much :-D<br>_

Angela bit her lip to cover up a smirk and avoided looking in Brennan's direction.

"I know technical stuff," Brennan complained, unaware of Angela's mischief. "Booth is the one who doesn't understand the jargon. You should be telling me instead."

_Red it is._

"Besides, Booth will just-"

"Honey!" Angela held up one hand abruptly without tearing her eyes from the phone. "I can't concentrate on two things at one time. You just drive." She fluttered her fingers toward the road again.

_If you're going to the office anyway, maybe you could bring home a set of handcuffs. :)_

"If it's something related to the case I really think-"

_dont even think abt it_  
><em>told u no more cuffs till u promise 2 respct the safe word<em>

Angela barely managed to cover up with a cough the loud burst of laughter that erupted when she read Booth's reply. The cough turned into a fit of choking.

"Are you alright?" Brennan asked solicitously. "I have water if you need something to drink.

Not trusting herself to speak, Angela just shook her head and fought to keep her amusement to herself.

_You're exaggerating. _

_exagg?! i almst broke the headboard! _  
><em>safe word means stop immed not 5 min more!<em>

Angela bit the inside of her cheek so hard, she tasted blood. Her shoulders began to shake.

_respct the safe word bones! no more cuffs till u swear_

"It seems to be taking you a long time to relay that information to Booth," Brennan's eyes narrowed suspiciously on the hunched figure beside her. "Angela?"

_Maybe you should say the safe word a little louder. _

"Angela?"

_louder?! i was yellng waffle at the top of my lungs!_

Nothing short of being bound and gagged herself could have prevented Angela's outburst. Completely overcome, she leaned forward and laughed uncontrollably, her breathing reduced to harsh pants between guffaws.

"Angela, what are you doing?" Brennan demanded. "What are you texting to Booth?" The car's speed increased as she paid less attention to her driving than the hysterically laughing woman beside her. "Does Booth know he's exchanging messages with you and not me? Angela? Angela!"

Angela managed to briefly get herself under control and sat up. One look at Brennan's irate expression sent her into peals of merriment again.

"Give me the phone, Angela," Brennan ordered. "Now." She made a wild grab for it as Angela scrunched into a ball against the window and held it out of her reach.

Still laughing, tears streaming, she slapped at Brennan's grasping hand. "Waffle!" she cried, now giggling so hard she couldn't breathe. "Waffle!"

Brennan's jaw fell open in shock as she gasped loudly. "Angela! How do . . . You didn't . . . GIVE ME THAT PHONE RIGHT NOW!" The car swerved wildly over the thankfully empty road as she struggled to snatch the small piece of plastic away.

"Waffle!" Angela managed to choke out as she burrowed harder against the door. "Waffle! Respect the safe word, Brennan!"

"GIVE . . . ME . . . THAT . . ." Brennan's outstretched hand scrambled across the other woman's arm and fingers as the car careened wildly down the highway.

Behind them, blue lights flashed and a siren whooped.

The breaks squealed as Brennan pulled over immediately and threw the car into park. Forgetting the seat belt she wore, she surged across the center console. "Give it to me!" she yelled. "Give me the phone!"

"Waffle!" Angela snorted, batting the seeking hands away. "Help! Waffle!"

The rap of knuckles against Brennan's window finally got their attention. Glaring a promise of retribution at Angela, she sat back in her seat, chest heaving, and lowered the window. The uniformed officer bent down to peer inside the vehicle.

"Ma'am, do you have any idea how fast you . . . Oh, hello, Mrs. Hodgins," he added evenly as he looked across Brennan at the woman in the passenger seat.

Angela wiped tears from her cheeks and managed to control herself long enough to smile back. "Hi, Sheriff Abrams. You remember me!"

"I don't have many prisoners who get married in my jail," he replied gruffly, then transferred his attention to Brennan. "Ma'am, the speed limit on this road is 55 and you were going almost 70. I also observed this vehicle swerving erratically." His eyes narrowed sternly. "Have you consumed any alcoholic beverages?"

"No, I haven't been drinking!" Brennan ground out as she glowered at Angela. "I was just trying to take my phone back . . ." Suddenly, she reached out again. "GIVE . . . IT . . ."

Angela immediately went off into more peals of laughter as she shrank back against her door. "Waffle!" she howled as she beat back Brennan's hands. "Waffle!"

"Ladies," the sheriff tried to interrupt. "I must insist . . ."

"GIVE ME THE PHONE!"

"No means no, sweetie," Angela teased unmercifully. "Respect the safe word!"

"License and registration, please." Sheriff Abrams tried again to get their attention.

Brennan finally managed to unbuckle her seat belt and lurched across the seats. "GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Waffle!" Angela giggled uncontrollably as she tried to avoid giving up the phone. "Help! Somebody! Waffle!"

"Okay, that's it!" the sheriff grumbled. He opened Brennan's door and tried to separate the two struggling women. "Ladies! Ma'am! Stop! Both of you - Ouch!" He snatched his hand back and looked at a bleeding finger. "You bit me! Which one of you bit me?" When they continued to ignore him as they fought with each other, he squared his jaw, put his hands on Brennan's shoulders and pulled her struggling form out of the car. "That's it. I'm taking the two of you in!" It required all of his strength to stop Brennan from crawling back in the car after Angela. "Mrs. Hodgins! I'm going to need you to get out of the vehicle!"

Angela opened her door and fell out in a heap onto the gravel, still laughing, unable to stand up.

Brennan fought to free herself without hurting the sheriff. "Give me that phone, Angela!"

"You're both coming with me!" Sheriff Abrams announced. "Which one of you bit me?"

.

.

.

"You got arrested?" Hodgins was obviously torn between shock and surprise and not a little pride as he stood outside the jail cell looking at Angela. "Here? Again?" When he put Michael down, the little boy toddled to the bars and tried to stick his head through the gap between two of them.

"Mama!"

"I thought the two of you were just going shopping?" Booth frowned at Brennan, who sat on a cot inside a separate cell. "And you bit the sheriff? What the hell, Bones?"

Brennan stared daggers at Angela. "I didn't mean to bite Sheriff Abrams. I thought it was Angela's hand."

That confused Booth even more. "Why did you want to bite Angela?" he asked as he shifted Christine to his other arm. "You were just going shopping!"

Brennan opened her mouth to respond, looked at Angela's grinning face and changed her mind. "It was nothing." She glared a silent warning at the other woman. "Just a misunderstanding."

The sheriff appeared at Booth's elbow. "All right, you're all set." He rattled his keys officiously as he opened the two cells. "Dr. Brennan, you'll be notified of the date you'll have to appear in court to answer for the assault charge."

"I didn't assault-"

"Thank you, Sheriff Abrams." Booth stepped forward and gripped her elbow with his free hand. "We'll be in touch," he added as he pulled Brennan down the hallway.

Angela, Hodgins and Michael followed behind them.

As soon as they were out of earshot of the sheriff, Booth hissed, "Bones, what in the hell-"

"Are you hungry, Jack?" Angela's playful voice interrupted loudly. "I'm hungry. Want to get some dinner on the way home? I'm in the mood for . . . waffles . . ."

"Angela!" Brennan turned and took one step toward her friend, who, with laughter bubbling up again, began to back down the hallway.

"Would you two stop it?" Booth huffed in exasperation. "What's wrong with-" His voice cut off abruptly. He looked from one woman to the other in horrified suspicion. "Was that . . . Bones, did she-" Brennan's response was to avoid his gaze while staring at the floor. "Did you-" Angela shot a cheeky grin at him.

"What is going on?" Hodgins asked in confusion.

Booth thrust Christine toward Brennan. "Bones, take the baby."

Brennan, who had reached out automatically, dropped her hands instantly. "I don't think that's wise, Booth."

He took one threatening step toward Angela, who squealed and danced back a few steps. "Come here, Angela!"

"Now, Booth," she teased as she skipped backward. "Don't make me say it!"

"Say what?" Hodgins asked, looking from Angela to Booth to Brennan. "What is going on?"

"Come here!" Booth roared as, still holding Christine, he followed after Angela.

"Don't you dare, Angela!" Brennan yelled as she, too, joined the chase down the hallway.

"Would someone tell me what is going on?" Hodgins demanded loudly.

"When I get my hands on you . . ." Booth left the growling warning unfinished as they neared the cells again. Sheriff Abrams looked up in surprise.

"Did you folks leave something?"

With a squeak, Angela ran into one of the empty cages and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Angela!" Booth bellowed. "Come out of there!"

"Waffle!" she yelled as she fled to the back of the cell. "Respect the safe word, Booth!" She collapsed in a helpless, laughing heap on the cot.

Michael ran to the bars again. "Waffle!" he repeated loudly as he banged on the iron with his fists. "Waffle!"

The sheriff looked at each of them. "Is there a problem here?"

"Would someone PLEASE tell me what's going on?" Hodgins asked again, exasperated.

"Waffle!" Michael continued singing. "Waffle!"

Inside the cell, Angela rolled off the cot and onto the floor, loud guffaws stealing her breath away.

Booth glared at Brennan as the sound of Angela's laughter echoed off the stone walls. "I told you we should have used a different word."

.

.

* * *

><p><em>Mary, my spooky ghost friend, I hope your birthday is as lovely and awesome as you are! If this bit of silliness makes you smile even a little bit, my work here is done! Much love, kiddo! (Also, I'd like my room in the lake house painted a soft, pretty shade of rose. :-D)<br>_

_Thanks for reading!  
><em>


	17. Misunderstood

AN: Penandra has suggested this story idea to me several times and I just never got around to it. Until now. Short and sweet, but hopefully worth a chuckle. :-)_  
><em>

.

.

.

* * *

><p><em>Can you pick up Christine from daycare tonight?<em>

_yep. _

_Thank you. I'm going to stay a bit late so that I can orgasm Dr. Edison's binders._

_so u can what?_

_How did the word 'orgasm' show up? I typed in 'organize!' _

_must b ur nu phone_

_This is red licks next!_

_lol_

_It's not funeral, Booth!_

_lol_

_Stop it! I am taking this phone back to Oreos!_

_dont 4get milk_

_I don't Beiber this!_

_That's it! I am not useful phoney gin!_

_lol_

_Stop it!_

_why dont u just call me?_

_I hang this phonics!_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p>I don't have autocorrect on my phone - thank God. :-)<em><br>_


	18. Dive In

_AN: A long time ago _toffeeeclairs_ left a review in which she said: _"have you ever considered doing some text conversations from before they are together? Surely they did those when they were just partners." _I save every suggestion/prompt sent to me, just for days like today when I'm in the mood to write something but don't have anything particular in mind. A quick read through my "prompts" folder followed by an enjoyable few minutes spent reading episode transcripts and voila! Here you go. _

_This little OS is pure cotton candy - all fluff, nothing serious, quickly read, probably quickly forgotten but hopefully fun.  
><em>

_(Set sometime after S5.04, _The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood._)  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

_.  
><em>

_. . . . . . Hello?_

_Hello._

__. . . . . . _This is Parker_

_Hello, Parker. Does your father know you have his phone?_

__. . . . . . _Yes hes right here__  
><em>__. . . . . . _He said I could call you but I decided to send you a message  
><em>. . . . . . <em>These letters are really small_

_Your spelling is much better than his. _

_._

_._

_. . . . . . __He said thats not funny_

_I wasn't making a joke._

_._

_._

__. . . . . . ___He said thats why its not funny__  
><em>__. . . . . . _We are coming to swim in your pool! __  
><em>__. . . . . . _Dad said you can come too!_

_._

_._

_. . . . . . __Dad said to tell you it was my idea for you to come__  
><em>__. . . . . . _Is that ok?_

_Yes, thank you. I would love to join you at the pool today. _

__. . . . . . _We brought the water basketball game!_

_I enjoyed playing that game with you the last time you were here._

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

__. . . . . . _Dad said dont wear the red bakini_

_The word is spelled 'bikini.' Why does it matter what bathing suit I wear?_

_._

_._

__. . . . . . _Dad said never mind  
><em>__. . . . . . _Sorry I wasnt supposed to tell you that_  
><em>. . . . . . <em>A_fter the pool we are going to a movie and eat pizza! __  
><em>__. . . . . . _Do you want to come with us?__  
><em>__. . . . . . _Am I bothering you?_

_No, not at all. I would enjoy that very much._

__. . . . . . _We are pulling into the garage!_

_All right. I'll see you in a few minutes._

__. . . . . . _Bye!_

_Goodbye.__  
><em>  
>Brennan laid her phone on the coffee table, looked at it thoughtfully and then headed to her bedroom. Without hesitation, she pulled out the red bikini.<p>

.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_But they were just partners back then, right? :-)_

_Thanks for reading!  
><em>


	19. In Between

Let's set this one somewhere after the original case in _The Parts in the Sum of the Whole_ but before _Pilot_.

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

.

_answer ur phone!_

_I do not want to talk to you._

_look i said i was sorry!_

_And as I informed you at the time, I do not accept your apology._

_if we r gonna work 2gether, u have to b more professnal_

_I am the consummate professional but regardless of that fact, we are not going to be working together again._

_cmon bones. ive got a case :)_

_Do not call me "Bones." My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan. You may refer to me as Dr. Brennan._

_w/ or w/o curtsey?_

_Why would you curtsey? I'm not royalty._

_right._

_I have work to do. I would appreciate it if you would not send me any more of these messages. I am charged for each one I receive._

_u need 1 of those unlimtd plans_

_No, I don't. No one sends me text messages._

_i do_

_And I've asked you to stop doing so._

_then stop telling ur droid to shut me down_

_I don't know what that means._

_mean answer ur phone! look w/o ur help we wldnt have figurd out hasty killed gemma arrington. we make a great team!_

_I am not interested in working with a team and I am not interested in working with you again._

_Also, deciphering your poor spelling is giving me a headache._

_my spellng is fine, i'm abbrevatng!_

_Your messages appear to be written by a phonetically-challenged 8-year old._

_happy? u got a dig in. now let me buy u a cup of coffee n we can talk abt this like grownups_

_I am not interested. I'm turning my phone off._

_dont do that. cmon bones._

_hello?_

_bones?_

_hello?_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p>.<p>

And then she went to Guatemala and when she came back, they all lived happily ever after! Right? :-)

Happy _Bones-_day and thanks for reading!


	20. Just Because

**Did you know it's Monday?**

** And did you know that Monday is _Bones-_day? **

**You did? **

**You're so smart . . . :-)_  
><em>**

**(This is set sometime soon after _The Change in the Game_, when things are still sort of new and they're still figuring everything out. You'll see why.)**

.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_love u_

_I love you, too._

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_Was there something you wanted?_

_no_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_The only purpose for that message was to assure me of your feelings?_

_yep_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_You told me you loved me before you left this morning._

_yep_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_Has something happened?_

_no_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_Have you been injured? Are you going out to do something dangerous?_

_no_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_I don't understand._

_nothing 2 understd. in my ofc, saw ur pic, thoght abt u, sent msg. _

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_Do you want to have intercourse tonight?_

_sure :)  
><em>

_And that is the purpose for the message?_

_no. just felt like telling u_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_I think about you frequently during the day. Should I also send you a message when those moments occur?_

_if u want_

_Is there a schedule? How often would be appropriate?_

_theres no sched, just whenevr_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_Have you done something that might upset me?_

_no_

_Angela has told me that Dr. Hodgins will occasionally engage in this type of behavior as a way to preempt her ire._

_hodgins is whipped_

_Yes, Angela has said they enjoy light bondage._

_not what i meant! geez. I didnt need 2 no that_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_So, there's nothing wrong._

_no_

Y_ou have no unpleasant news to share with me._

_no_

_You aren't injured or going into harm's way._

_no_

_And it's not about being intimate tonight._

_no_

_You were simply sharing your thoughts._

_yes_

_Well, then, thank you._

_:) _

_life w/u is never dull bones_

_Of course not. I'm a very interesting person._

_yes u r_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>I have this picture in my mind of Brennan frowning at her phone, trying to figure out what a simple "I love you" message really means. And of Booth, once he knows she's completely befuddled, laughing because he has that picture in his mind, too, and a confused Brennan is an adorable Brennan.<strong>  
><em>

_**Thanks for reading and Happy**_** Bones-_day!_  
><strong>


	21. Live Laugh Love

_**AN: Set the day after **_**The But in the Joke**_** - because he was totally pouting. :-)  
><strong>_

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>.<br>_

_Tell me a joke._

_no_

_Please?_

_no_

_I enjoy your jokes!_

_no u dont. u laughed at sweets jokes  
>they werent funny<em>

_They were very funny._

_only 2 u_

_I'm sorry I didn't laugh at your jokes. Please tell me one now._

_no_

_I promise I will laugh this time._

_no_

_Please?_

_no__  
><em>_.__  
><em>_.__  
><em>_.__  
><em>_.__  
><em>_.__  
><em>_what did the lamp say 2 the othr lamp?_

_Lamps don't speak. They're inanimate objects._

_never mind_

_Oh, no! I'm sorry! Tell me another one!_

_no_

_Booth!_

_Booth?_

_Please tell me a joke?_

_no_

_Please?_

_no__  
><em>

_.  
><em>

_.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>  
><em>


	22. The Change in the Plan

**If you follow me on Twitter, you know that one of my bestest _Bones_ pals, TanteMary, had quite the treat last week when she had lunch with none other than The Raven, of _The Change in the Game_ fame. I think I was as excited as she was and I wasn't even there! Not being there, however, didn't stop me from rewatching the episode and from that came this little OS. Let's set it after the scene in the diner but before Buck and Wanda appear in the bowling alley.**

**.**

**.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

_I need an engagement ring._

_._

_._

_Booth?_

_._

_._

_u need an engagement ring? why?_

_I've decided to be your fiancée._

_._

_._

_Booth?_

_._

_._

_Hello?_

_._

_._

_im here. r we getting married?_

_Yes. I think we will present a more united front during our undercover assignment if we're engaged._

_right. cover. the bowling alley. gotcha._

_So as I said, I require a ring._

_u want me to buy u a ring?_

_Traditionally men who propose do so with a ring._

_4 r cover at the bowling alley_

_Yes. Something simple would suffice._

_it would?_

_I believe so. But not too small. You don't want to appear cheap._

_i dont?_

_No. A solitaire, perhaps. That would be appropriate._

_u think so?_

_Yes, I do._

_what happened to u as my gf?_

_Gf?_

_girlfriend_

_Ah. Well, I decided to be your fiancée instead._

_u did?_

_Yes._

_._

_._

_Do you have a problem seeing me as your fiancée?_

_no_

_not at all_

_no_

_just surprised_

_surprised, thats all_

_so i guess im buying u a ring_

_Thank you._

_ur welcome_

_By the way, Angela and I went shopping and we found the perfect wigs for our costumes._

_wig? no1 mentioned wigs. im not wearing a wig_

_Angela said you might be difficult about the wig._

_not difficult just not wearing a wig._

_Please? I'm wearing one._

_no._

_Please?_

_no_

_Booth!_

_what kind of wig?_

_Angela referred to it as a mullet. She said it would be perfect in the bowling alley._

_a mullet? no_

_Please?_

_no_

_Please?_

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<em>

**Ah, Booth's mullet and acid-washed jeans. Gotta love 'em.**

**Happy _Bones_-day! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	23. The Shopping List

**AN: If you're in the US, Happy Friday Before A Three-Day Holiday Weekend! If you're not in the US, Happy Friday Because It's Friday! :-)**

**It's been a while since I've done one of these text conversations so let's have a bit of fun, shall we?_  
><em>**

**_._**

**_._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>.<em>**

**_._**

_You forgot to take the shopping list with you._

_no i didnt_

_Yes, you did. It's on the counter here in front of me._

_didnt 4get, dont need it_

_You'll never remember everything on this list, Booth._

_whats 2 remember? its a cookout. we need beer, brats, buns_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Beer, brats and buns?_

_yep. see? i got this_

_There are 27 items on this shopping list._

_27? wow. u counted them?_

_I numbered the list._

_of course u did_

_I don't see beer, brats or buns anywhere on this list._

_well thats y u have me :-)_

_I planned the menu for this cookout very carefully, Booth. It is both tasty and nutritious. _

_see thats the problm. cookouts have nothin 2 do w/nutrition_

_Is this about the recipe I mentioned for shredded eggplant and cauliflower burgers?_

_nobodys gonna eat those, Bones_

_You don't know that!_

_wanna bet?_

_Your wagers always end with sex._

_and?_

_I accept your challenge._

_send me the list. i will get my stuff/ur stuff. we can count leftovers, see who wins_

_That sounds reasonable.  
><em>

_whats the bet?_

_You're allowing me to choose?_

_sure_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Waffle._

_told u this cookout was a good idea  
><em>

_._

_._

* * *

><p><strong>(The 'waffle' reference is explained in Chapter 16: <em> Leggo My Eggo.)<em>  
><strong>

**Have a wonderful and happy holiday weekend!  
><strong>


	24. Another Day in Paradise

_on my way home in 15, need anything?_

Yes, thank you for asking. Milk, cereal (you may purchase the type Christine prefers with chocolate marshmallows (2 boxes)) and coffee.

_ur letting C have choc mm cereal? y? she sick?_

No, several of her friends are sleeping over.

_how many = several?  
><em>

One moment.

Eight.

_8? why? she had them all over last wk! why are they always at r house?  
><em>

I suppose it's because we provide a loving, nurturing, comfortable home environment in which they feel welcome.

_well we gotta stop doing that_

We do?

_yes!_

How do you suggest we accomplish that?

_I don't know but last sat, Z found 4 bras in the freezer. Boys scarred 4 life_

I will inform Christine that no one's undergarments are to be stored in the freezer again.

_fine. im adding tylenol 2 the list_

_and im stopping by liquor store_

_mayb 2 liquor stores_

That seems a bit redundant.

_u said 8 girls. I may stop by 3 liq stores_

You are very amusing when you're disgruntled.

_yea? :-D how bout we leave the house 2 the kids and get a hotel room tonight?_

I don't think that would be wise.

_dammit_

_._

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! :-)<strong>


	25. Patience is a Virtue

**_(Set sometime in late season 3/early season 4.)_**

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<em>

_._

_How much longer do you think this will take?_

dont know

_Can you give me an estimate?_

no

_._

_._

_._

_So far, you've waited for 16 minutes.  
><em>

theres a line, sorry

_How many people are ahead of you?_

4

_Oh. I've seen several people go inside since you did. Are they also waiting?_

yes

_It's very busy this morning. Was there something about last week that particularly encouraged people to engage in what might be considered a sin?_

no

_Interesting._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Approximately how long is each person spending inside the confessional?_

havent kept track

_I suppose that's why you didn't realize you had been inside for 20 minutes._

_Actually, that is now 21 minutes._

_._

_._

_._

_Perhaps you could ask the person in front of you how many sins they will be confessing? If the number is less than yours, he or she might allow you to go first._

_How many sins will you be confessing today?_

stop it!

_I'm just trying to estimate how much longer you will be._

_It has now been 27 minutes, by the way._

just come in! u can wait at the back!

_I don't think Kevin likes me._

b/c u call him kevin! its father nichols!

_Steve asked me to use his first name. I don't understand why Kevin finds it so disagreeable._

stop txting me. k? im in church. its disrepectful. im getting looks

_What if there's an emergency?_

then come get me!

_What if you're in the closet?_

not a closet! confessional!

no more txting!

_Unless it's an emergency?_

yes!

_31 minutes, in case you wondered._

.

.

.

The church doors were thrown open as Booth rushed out and immediately almost tripped over Brennan, who was sitting on the steps.

"Get in the truck," he ordered as he stalked past her.

"Oh, you're finished?" She stood up and slipped her phone into the pocket of her jacket.

"No!" he yelled. "I'm just leaving now before I have to confess something else!" He lifted his hands toward her neck as if he intended to strangle her.

"Well, that doesn't make sense," she frowned. "We're already here. You should go back inside. I can wait."

Booth took two steps to the black SUV parked at the curb, opened the passenger side and glared at her. "Get. In."

Brennan eyed his disgruntled expression as she slipped past him to her seat. "Is ill-temper a sin? If so, you might want to mention -"

With a none-too-gentle shove, Booth slammed the door shut.

.

.

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading!<br>_


	26. When The Cat's Away

**Let's set this in early Season 4 . .** .

* * *

><p>.<p>

,

_shes talking again_

_._

_._

_bones! _

_._

_._

_she never shuts up!_

_._

_._

_I don't have time for this, Booth._

_did u hear me? she never shuts up!_

_I know Ms. Wick is enthusiastic but she's a very capable scientist._

_she never shuts up!_

_._

_._

_y cant i have the short guy?_

_It wasn't Dr. Edison's turn in the rotation. You should discuss this with Dr. Saroyan. _

_i tried! she sent the talky one! i think she did it on purpose!_

_I don't know what you expect me to do about it right now._

_the english kid wld b ok. if i stare long enough he wont say a word_

_I have asked you not to intimidate my interns. They are only doing what I ask of them._

_or the street kid. I like him. he seems normal_

_The 'street kid'? Are you referring to Mr. Bray?_

_yea him. _

_Mr. Bray has worked very hard to overcome substantial obstacles in order to obtain a first class education. Referring to him as a 'street kid' devalues his work.  
><em>

_thats what i mean. hes normal_

_._

_._

_shes still talking!_

_._

_._

_u need to pick 1 of them. revolving squint door is driving me nuts  
><em>

_I prefer the rotating schedule. Each intern brings a different, unique set of qualities to our investigations._

_pick 1!_

_._

_._

_._

_when r u coming back?_

_I'm supposed to leave Thursday morning. I scheduled that flight, however, based on the assumption that I would be finished with my work here by that time._

_If you continue to interrupt me with complaints about my interns, I will not complete this evaluation which will in turn necessitate a longer stay.  
><em>

_._

_._

_dammit_

_._

_._

_shes still talking!_

_Perhaps if you allowed her to relay the information she so obviously feels is important, she would stop talking._

_tell her 2 send me an email_

_You want me to call her and tell her to send you an email?_

_yea thx. and translate it 4 me  
><em>

_I'm in Montreal! Tell her yourself!_

_im not telling her! that will just give her excuse 2 keep talking!  
><em>

_I don't have time for this._

_._

_._

_._

_bones?_

_._

_._

_bones?_

_._

_._

_dammit_

_._

_._

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	27. Celebrations

AN: Just a little something, because I haven't done one of these in a while and because Sarah's scene study at **Bones Theory** today made me all mushy.

BTW, if you're not reading **Bones Theory**, you are missing the very best of the _Bones-_fansites. If her '100 Days of _Bones_' essays were bound and published, I would be first in line to buy them! (*hint hint* Sarah!)

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<em>

_u know what today is?_

_. . . Yes, it is November 21. Why?  
><em>

_its our 1 month anniv, mrs booth :-)  
><em>

_. . . I find your newly acquired habit of referring to me as 'Mrs. Booth' very endearing._

_:-)_

__. . . _Although I'm not changing my name._

_thats ok. I know who u are_

_we shld celebrate tonite. Put C to bed early and pretend we're on our honeymoon again_

__. . . _That sounds like an excuse to have intercourse._

_I dont need an excuse to make love w/my wife_

__. . . _Nor I, with my husband._

_I like it when u call me that :-)_

__. . . _I am growing fond of that term as well._

_See u around 7. Mayb 6 if I can get out of here. I love u_

__. . . _I love you, too._

_._

_._

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading!<p>

MJ


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